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Our friend Mark Blankenship's episode 7 review on Huffington Post ( hilarious )
Note: This post contains spoilers
Welcome to Sucker Punch, the only blog post that ranks the gaudiest moments on this week's episode of True Blood.
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(We begin with an argument already in progress)
Are you serious True Blood? Are you really going to spring Godric on me in the last moment of Episode 7 ("Release Me") and then cut to the credits? Don't you realize that I have to wait an entire week to see what happens next? God! Why are you... it's just... selfish!
Oh... hey everyone. Sorry. True Blood and I are having a lovers' quarrel. I mean, we've been dating for a while, and even though he's not the perfect boyfriend---Don't you roll your eyes at me! You're not!---um, anyway, even though he's not the perfect boyfriend, we usually get along great. But then he pulls this crap, where he teases me with things I love---chocolate covered peanuts, flavored seltzer, the long-awaited emergence of a vampire sheriff---and then hides them for days. It's mean, and I hate it. That's why I acted like I forgot his birthday last year.
You heard me! I was pretending I forgot! How did you like it? Wait... what? You're walking away? Where are you... ? I can't leave! I'm talking to these...
Okay. I'll deal with him in a second. Sorry.
The point is, this week's episode had some character inconsistencies, but in the end, it gave me an hour of zippy entertainment.
Like, I have to applaud when Hoyt seduces Jessica by decorating her hotel room with blood-scented candles and playing "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. "Bleeding Love!" Even if Jessica were human, that's the exact song a softie like Hoyt would play for her. But because it mentions blood, he probably thinks cranking it on the stereo makes him extra smooth. Can't you just imagine a rack of "Bleeding Love" CD singles in the vampire hotel gift shop, and Hoyt buying one with a shy little grin? That's exactly who he is.
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