Why TV Vampires Make Better Boyfriends Than Their Fictional Counterparts

If you are a single male television character who is having trouble attracting the woman of your dreams, there is a simple solution: become a vampire. It may seem counterintuitive. After all, no woman has ever written, “I am seeking a serial killer who will always be fighting his urge to mutilate me,” on her match.com profile. There would seem to be many disadvantages to dating a vampire. First of all, he can only go out at night. No romantic walks on the beach for him. Second, he can never order anything at restaurants. That could be awkward. Third, the damsel must sleep with one eye open at all times lest he succumb to his urge to suck every ounce of blood out of her body or, worse, stand by her bed for hours watching her sleep. That is creepy, not romantic, Edward Cullen!

So why are the undead considered so damn sexy? And why vampires, specifically? No one is hot for zombies. Academics argue that being bitten is a literary metaphor for sex, specifically loss of virginity. The obsessive nature of vampire lust also makes him an appealing fantasy. Nothing is more important to a vamp than the object of his obsession. A vampire would never blow off a girl to play fantasy football with his boys. Actual baseball, maybe, but only if he is one of those wussy Cullens. Every TV vampire — even Nick Knight from Forever Knight – is cooler than the Cullens. In fact, TV vampires are consistently better boyfriends than their mortal fictional counterparts. Consider the evidence as we compare and contrast them below. And remember, once you go vampire, you’ll always aim higher.

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