Friday, May 1, 2009

What Sookie shouldn't say on a first date ( part1)

This is from Charlaine Harris website and from a poster called AtlantaSassyBelle. Ha!

"What NOT to tell someone on your first date ", by Sookie Stackhouse.

1) I'm telepathic and I can also read some supes minds (and maybe some vamps now).
2) My brother is part Were-Panther.
3) I've had vamp blood from multiple sources.
4) I slept with Bill and Eric (both vampires, whee!)and a Were Tiger named pressure on you for comparison or anything...
5) I'm part Fairy. :::bats eyelashes::: No really! I suggested this nice restaurant because this is where Eric brought me to meet my Great Grandfather for the first time. He's a Fairy PRINCE! Apparently he's very high up there and quite powerful and protective. I could like, snap my fingers...and poof, there's Pappy! Everyone seems a little scared of him and my own cousins call him "My Lord". I just think its great to have him around. I can't WAIT to introduce you to him. Do you like hunting? He says he's a really great hunter but I'm not sure what kind of game he likes to hunt...but he says that he has this thing called The Great Hunt so I'm SURE its SO much fun!!!
6) I had a funny uncle (so lets talk therapy bills) but my ex Vampire boyfriend Bill killed him for me. :::smiles prettily:::
7) My grandmother was brutally murdered by the man who wanted to kill me for sleeping with the first guy I ever dated who happened to be a vampire who was sent to Bon Temps to seduce me because the Queen of Louisiana heard about me from my now deceased deceased (twice) estranged cousin Hadley who was also her lover.
8 )My best friend was part of a sex club. A few of them died in the woods when a Maened killed them. Oh, and that Maened tortured me too. Wanna see my scars?
9)My boss is a shape shifter. A true shifter. He can be anything he wants.
Its really cool! The last time he turned into a LION and killed a bunch of folks. He's very protective...and he's got this HUGE thing for me and sometimes I wonder if there might be something more there, ya know??
10) My former best friend is now a member of the Fellowship of the Sun. I think she might be part of a plot to kill me now...or at least really make my life miserable.
11) I've seen the man from Memphis and he likes to eat dogs and cats.
12) I'm a friend of the Shreveport pack. Again. Well, after their enemies tried to kill me. And then I helped their Pack Leader figure out he was being duped after a lot of people got killed. There was this whole Were War and it was CRAZY! And now my friend Alcide, who I think still sorta wants to, uhh, well... Anyway, he's Pack Leader now.
13) Some of the Mississippi Weres want to kill me and continue to try to make my life miserable. They constantly send spies and I had to have the last one hexed by witches. Did I mention they are also my roommates? The witches, I mean. Anyhoodle...the spy is now no longer under the psycho from Mississippi's influence so she SHOULD be safe... But if my former sister-in-law starts to act funny again and spend lots more money we may have to take further steps... Well, I don't know how obligated I am to that cheating Were Panther hooker...she cheated on my brother while she was pregnant with his child! My brother :::rolls her eyes::: arranged for me to "accidentally" find them at the same time her Uncle did (he also wanted to date me, its very flattering!). Since SHE cheated, I had to break her Uncle Calvin's hand in some weird Were Panther ritual. It was awful. I'm really mad at my brother right now and I'm not sure if I'm going to speak to him for a while. So if he comes over, I need YOU to tell him to go away. He only gets furry a few nights of the month so it SHOULD be fine.


Rose said...

I'm lovin' #5.

Jamie Dal Cero said...

This is great! Thanks Dallas!

Aninhajet said...

hehe.. this sure would scare someone dating on her!! hahhah

Lady Jane said...

Oh and I have 2 witches living with me LOL there is another one to add.

Anonymous said...

Glad you liked it. I have now posted an updated version on the boards as well as on my blog. :D