Blood Copy : AM I EVIL?

August 14th, 2009

Contrary to what some will tell you, becoming a vampire does not entail losing your conscience. Sometimes I wish it did.

In many ways I consider myself fortunate. I was turned only after the invention of Tru Blood. I have never needed to find a living blood source. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been tempted, that I haven’t been drawn to the sight of an open wound, a pulsing jugular. I want to tell myself it’s not that I wish harm on anyone. For centuries, vampires were forced to take human blood in order to sustain themselves. It’s in our nature. It’s a simple fact of life. We are predators, designed with an instinct to seek our prey.

But then there’s that other feeling. When I imagine feeding not just as a means of satiating hunger, but to satisfy another craving. The knowledge of dominance. To hold another life in my hands, and in one instant, control their destiny. Sadly, I believe this too, is part of being a vampire. With such great power can only come the desire to use it, to objectify others who are not capable of what we are.

I hate myself at times like this. I hate knowing that vampires can feel this level of detachment. In my human days I would be tempted to call it evil. But now it occupies a greyer area. It’s enough to make one wonder if humans and vampires can ever truly coexist. There are times I’ve doubted it.

But then I remember the other side of the equation. I may feel these things, but I have never acted on them. There are many humans who can’t say the same. I don’t need to look hard to find acts of unspeakable cruelty committed by humans upon one another. To find humans who can be just as evil and predatory. Oddly, I find this comforting. Both humans and vampires have such a ways to go before reaching a truly civilized existence. Both of us have to confront our darker nature to truly coexist.

Who knows, we may even be able to help each other along the way.

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