Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Beating the True Blood Addiction - 12 Step Guide

Thanks to Viqwig for sharing her True Blood Addiction - 12 Step Guide.

A 12 Step Guide to Beating True Bloodism – the addiction to HBO’s True Blood TV Series -- by "Vigwig"

Step 1. Admit you have a problem. You are powerless over all things True Blood– your obsession has become unmanageable.

Step 2. Watch other television shows, preferably bad ones so you won’t be tempted to watch anything. If the other shows have any True Blood cast members on as performers or guests or if they discuss vampires in any way, turn it off immediately.

Step 3. Physically remove Season 1’s DVDs from your player. This includes all the episodes plus any extras. This technique also applies to your cast member TIVO/online interview collection. Also remove True Blood appearances on Letterman, Conan, The View or any other TV program that has promoted the show from your TIVO or dvds. It doesn't count if you merely eject the dvd. You must remove them, put them away or delete the files!

Step 4. Accept that HBO is not going to hire you as an extra player in Bon Temps. Try neutralizing these unrealistic fantasies by being grounded in solid activities with actual paying employers.

Step 5. You must not check your True Blood related bookmarks every time you go online. Instead try deleting a few of them. You must do so without feeling extreme anxiety or hopelessness. This especially applies to Loving True Blood in Dallas and True Blood TV and other fan sites. Avoid trips to youtube or Daily-motion seeking the numerous fanvids. Be sure to unsubscribe from Crimson Bouquet’s youtube channel.

Step 6. We are half way there and you have made some big steps toward regaining control of your life again. Step six is a milestone! You must delete your True Blood background and icon images from your computer. You can do this by closing your eyes, relaxing and taking slow deep breaths and repeat to yourself "these are just pictures." You might need to take this in even smaller steps. For example, choose a smaller picture of Eric, Anna, Pam or Bill every day for your background until eventually the actual image is so small you can only see your plain background.

Step 7. Do not type the words True Blood, Sookie, Eric Northman, Vampire Bill, Stephen Moyer, Alan Ball, Anna Paquin, Lafayette, Pam or Alexander Skarsgard into your search engine. Do not look up cast members on Yahoo Personals. Doing so would indicate that you have had a break from reality. Face it, Bill and Anna are a rock solid item and Alexander is taken so forget it!

Step 8. Do not encourage your lover to consider you as a meal. Don’t start taking Vitamin B-12 and avoiding garlic. Do not ask him to wear fake fangs so you can play at being a victim. Avoid screaming, "Bite me" during acts of intimacy. Resist the urge to have sex in cemeteries. Do not call your partner "Bill" "Eric” or “Jason”. Do not ask him to call you "Sooooooookie." If your lover agrees to play along with you, you are both suffering from a shared delusional disorder. Stop the role-playing. Do not pretend to be a shape-shifting collie or recreate Fangtasia in your basement. Medication and booster sessions of reality lovemaking are recommended.

Step 9. This is a tough step. You must acknowledge a higher power other than True Blood and relinquish delusion of control. You have none. Ask your higher power to help you control your preoccupation the show. You may say this Prayer "Heal me from my True Blood Addiction, help me to live one day at a time fang-free.” With that prayer take a deep breath and give away your collection of True Blood dvds and soundtrack and delete all jpegs from your hard drive. Throw out your "It Hurts so Good" poster, official Bill’s Babe Tee Shirt and all other things.

Step 10. Have an entire conversation with another human being about something, anything, other than True Blood. Reconnect with your conversational abilities; you may need to breathe deeply several times as described in the manner of step 6. Try very hard to concentrate on what the other is saying and do not trick the other person into saying something about the show. Example: "Did you see the show "The Starter Wife?" Isn't she the one who made out with what's-his-name – you know that vampire Bill guy?"

Step 11. Since you are on your eleventh step of recovery now many obstacles have been removed from your path. You should be able to slowly and tentatively re-enter the real world! Reconnect with your loved ones, ask them to help you acknowledge step 12.

Step 12. Find closure with the statement: “It’s just TV” regardless of what HBO says.

Please check out vigs blog here http://vigwig.livejournal.com/308718.html


Anonymous said...

Step 7. What?! Alexander is taken?! By whom?! And where's the proof that he is? Ha ha! no. seriously. really?

ZOG said...

No I won't, shove your 12 steps and leave me and Skooie alone