Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Why women love vampires and men don't

(The Frisky) -- When I try to explain my ardor for HBO's trashy-fabulous soap opera "True Blood" to my dude friends, they either shrug and change the topic, or question whether I've been writing for ladyblogs for too long and am suffering from a form of Stockholm Syndrome.

Dudes just don't dig bloodsuckers, since vampires pretty much look like girls. We prefer zombies, because we love chainsaws, flamethrowers, and samurai swords.

And because, on some level, we know that besides being vehicles for sperm, our other important, if lesser, genetic imperative is to defend our loved ones from hordes of unthinking, flesh-eating metaphors for current social anxieties.

To most guys, vampires are the monster movie equivalent of that sensitive man-sponge in college who plays acoustic guitar in order to seduce chicks. They're what you get when you cross your average Renaissance Fair enthusiast with a mosquito.

And what's with their greatest weaknesses being most kinds of Italian food, Sunday school, and the sun, which helps flowers grow? Really? Why women find date-rapey parasites who wear capes compelling must have something to do with deeply primal fears.

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